Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
