i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
