I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
is it fun? or sober?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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