First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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