Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
