i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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