Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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