sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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