I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
