Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
