Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
