remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
