I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
