return my video game
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
