im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
