I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
