i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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