i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
