im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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