dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you had me at cake vodka
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize