Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
