You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
