She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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