There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize