I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
