stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
