So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize