omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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