hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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