did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
