What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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