I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
