Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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