so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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