My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
