you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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