I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
