What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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