I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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