Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want her autograph on my taint
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
