last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
