Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
