Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
