listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
