Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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