I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
