We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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