Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
