Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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