My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
