Three words: puerto rican gang bang
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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