Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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