literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
