after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
birth control should be required to get into college
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
