I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
