this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
