This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
