i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
