Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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