Soap is not a condiment
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had sex on a roof
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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