'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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