So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
