Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
